20 Thoughts we all have when we're going down town
Admit it, your mind sometimes tends to wander when you're going down on your partner. It happens. If you're like me, your thoughts can run the gamut from how great your man looks from this angle to where you left your dry cleaning receipt. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with all the time you have on your hands while you're down on your knees?
You know I'm right. Here are 20 common thoughts I believe run through the average woman's head when she's going down on her man. Check them out and let me know if you can relate!
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1. Ever hear of manscaping? Ugh, I'm going to be flossing pubes out of my teeth for the rest of the week.
2. No, I'm not gagging because of your size. I'm gagging because I'm nose level with your bellybutton and it smells like actual death.
3. Oh, but about that gag reflex. Let's see how much of you I can fit in here before I feel like I'm going to retch.
4. Oh, now I know. I did better than I expected. High-five!
5. Aw, he's playing with my hair. Nope, he's just trying to move it out the way so he can get a better look. Quick, do I make eye contact? Do I pretend I don't notice him? Just play it cool, girl.
6. Shouldn't have tried to smile. I totally just drooled. Qué sexy.
7. So. Much. Spit. I feel like friggin' Beethoven (the dog, not the composer).
8. He's turned on by my slurping? Well, then, he should come watch me polish off a tub of ice cream.
9. Doing this with a stuffy nose was a bad idea. I can't breathe. Wait, I can! No, no. I can't. Oh ... nope. Pretty sure I'm gonna suffocate.
10. Should I do something with his huevos? Um… ::poke poke::
11. Now for some hand magic! Hahaha, it really does make a fwapping sound.
12. Is it just me, or does his penis look like a naked mole rat? Or Pitbull.
13. It's going down! I'm yelling timberrrr! Dammit, now I have an entire Pitbull playlist stuck in my head.
14. I've been down here for years! Oh, no, it's only been three minutes. I could swear he finishes faster when we're both going at it.
15. This is turning me on. Something about the way he's moaning and clutching at the sheets just does it for me. Yeah, say my name!
16. But where is he going to come? Hmm, not on my sheets. I just changed them. Um, I just took a shower, so not on my boobs. Er, in my mouth…?
17. Do I swallow? One of life's toughest questions.
18. Okay, so I guess I'm gonna swallow. Just do it fast and you won't notice how it tastes like salty dish detergent. Cough, cough.
19. Swallowed too fast. Quick, play it off. Strike a sexy pose or something.
20. Me next! Get down on your knees and thank me.
Image via Thinkstock
What goes through your mind during oral sex?