10 Crazy things you say to your husband when you are PMSing
When I'm mad and my husband discovers I'm on my period or about to get my period and says something along the lines of, No wonder, it drives me crazy! It makes me want to rub the knowing smirk off his face with a magic eraser because you can't reduce everything about me down to a hormonal reaction. But it is possible that he maybe, might, just a little bit have a point because it does seem to happen that during certain times of the month I am ... how shall I put it? Well, different than the rest of the time. I'm not gonna say I'm crazy or hysterical or anything, just maybe not as reasonable or apt to put up with anyone's mierda.
Oh, and I know I'm not alone in this. See if you recognize yourself in some of these examples, hermana.
Here are ten less-than-rational things that women say to their significant others when they are PMSing:
1. I am not upset because I'm on my period. I'm upset because you are un hjo de... a jerk!
2. This commercial for (fill in the blank) is the saddest thing I've ever seen. How can you sit there and not cry? Were you born without a heart?
3. You need to apologize right now! I'm waiting.
4. What do you mean you don't know what you are supposed to apologize for?
5. Well, it doesn't sound like you're sorry. It sounds like you are saying sorry because I told you to. Say it again and sound sorry this time.
6. Do you think everybody hates me? They do hate me, don't they?
7. Now that I think about it, I hate everybody. I do. Everybody sucks.
8. OMG! I suck too!! I do don't I?
9. If you cared about me it wouldn't matter that it is 3 a.m., you would get out of bed and go buy me the chocolate that I so desperately want because that is what love is all about; it's about getting me my chocolate, you LAZY bastard, and no I don't want chocolate because I'm PMSing. My body has a chocolate deficiency!!! It's a thing, like an iron deficiency. Would you deny me iron if I was deficient? Are you trying to send me to an early grave by withholding chocolate from me. I HATE YOU!
10. I can't go out and buy myself chocolate, I'm HUGE! Why haven't you told me how HUGE I am? Do you want everyone at the store to look at me like I'm a freak because I'm HUGE, it's 3 a.m. and I'm buying chocolate? Have you lost your mind?
FYI, I don't really call my husband names out loud. They are pronounced silently so that he doesn't hear them, but my brain screams them in my head.
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