The 10 Worst things about sex that no one enjoys

worst things about sexEveryone is always talkin' about sex, how great it is, how to have more of it, how to make it even greater than it already is, but can we be honest here for a moment? Not everything having to do with sex is awesome sauce. Just like every cloud has a silver lining, every rose has its thorn. You know it's true. Let's talk about some of the horny thorns of sex, shall we?

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In my opinion these are the 10 worst things about sex:

1. Losing the condom. I'm not talkin' about not being able to find a much needed condom before having sex. I mean like he put on a condom, you have sex and when you are done, you can't find the condom to dispose of and then it occurs to you to check inside of yourself and yup, there it is. Terrible.

2. Pregnancy scare. Either you didn't use protection or your protection failed you (see above), now you have to deal with peeing on sticks and hoping for the answer you want.

3. Your body sabotaging you. Here you are trying to get your sexy on and your body becomes a noxious gas maker; it wants to burp, fart and queef like crazy.

4. Not being prepared. This not about contraception. This is about not knowing sex was on the radar, you had no plans on having sex and then the moment presents itself and you wonder how long its been since you showered and shaved, so you run into the bathroom and pretend you are washing your hands when you are really giving yourself a manita de gato.

5. Being bored. It happens, you're having sex, enjoying it and all of a sudden you are thinking about how you need to do laundry for tomorrow or your kids are going to be wearing their chonies inside out. You try to get back in the moment, but all that grinding and thrusting keeps reminding you of stinky clothes that need to be washed.

6. Bad timing. You're quicker at reaching your goal than your partner is or the other way around and then one of you is stuck waiting for the other one to finish, which makes the one who isn't finished feel like they are taking too long and that just makes them take even longer and now it feels like you've been having sex for forever and it may never end and you have stuff to do.

7. Your kids interrupt you. Nothing else needs to be said on that matter.

8. Clean up. Sex is messy. Why don't beds come with napkins or wipe dispensers attached?

9. Getting dressed afterwards. Were the heck did your underwear go? Dang it, you just know you were wearing some, they couldn't just disappear and no they did not get stuck up in your vajayjay.

10. The sheets are a tangled mess. Are you kidding me? How are you supposed to sleep on a bed with sheets that are all twisted up. There is nothing sexy about making the bed so you can pass out. And EWWW, what is that wet spot?

None of these inconveniences will ever stop anyone from having sex because well, sex is sex after all and that's the silver lining, baby!

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Topics: sex  humor  relation