The secret to a long marriage is...CHEATING?!

Many years ago, when my boyfriend (now husband) and I started talking about getting married, I was being very truthful when I told him that I really didn't believe in marriage or, at least, in an enduring one. In a way, I was already jaded by all the divorces I had seen around me--including that of my own parents after 33 years of marriage. But even without those divorces, it always seemed a bit naive to me for people to believe that a man and a woman can stay married til death does them part. 

Why? Well like most other animals, I think humans are incapable of being monogamous. While I'm aware that cheating is highly probable in a marriage, I, by no means, condone it or think it's the only way for a marriage to endure, like some would have us belive.


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In a new book about the topic, controversial British sociologist, Catherine Hakim, says having extramarital affairs is the secret to a long marriage. Although I haven't read the book, it's obvious from the excerpt published in The Telegraph, that Hakim has done extensive research on the subject.

I have no problem understanding why married men and women seek to have an affair--lack of sex in their own relationship, boredom, a need to feel loved or desired--but I have a huge problem accepting that this is the only way to stay married. Here's the deal: I feel like if I have the desire to have sex with someone other than my husband, why am I even with him?

I know that's oversimplifying things, but that's really the bottom line. Although my husband and I have two children, which is something that will bind us forever, nothing and nobody is actually forcing us to be with each other. In other words, we're together because we chose to and because we continue wanting to be together. But the minute that changes, why is there a need for us to continue on together? I just don't see the point. 

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While I hope I never have to go through the experience of realizing my husband has cheated on me, I seriously doubt we'd be able to ever get over it. I think once trust is lost, there's not much left. So, no, I don't agree at all that cheating is the only way for a marriage to endure.

What do you think? Do you agree that cheating is good for a marriage? Share your thoughts with us by leaving us a comment below. 

Image via Thinkstock

Topics: affair  divorce  love  marriage


nonmember avatar
on Aug 22, 2012 at 12:24 AM
I think the reason people talk about having sex with other people and staying together as a couple is just because you want to have sex with someone else doesn't mean you want your entire marriage to be over. Some people feel they can compartmentalize things and they get different things from different people. No one can replace you as a wife, but your husband may still be interested in having sex with other women. That doesn't mean he wants to take them as wives. You see, your analysis isn't just an over-simplification. It comes from a lack of experience. That is not to say you should be okay with your husband sleeping with other people or vice-versa, only that there are reasons why people may not just decide to end a marriage simply because they'd like to have a different kind of experience in the bedroom and still keep their family and marriage intact.
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on Aug 22, 2012 at 6:22 PM

im in a marriage and for the first time (though i myself have cheated on previous boyfriends) understand why it could seem like a good option in a marriage. I have chosen not to cheat because i know in my mind it will only worsen an already complicated situation. but when your needs are not being met you may think to look elsewhere and it seems like an easier choice than devastating the lives of your children and yourself. think about it, the person you marry is really only one part of a marriage, which includes a home, a schedule, friends, extended family who may choose to take sides, the dynamic of your childrens lives, a financial foundation, etc and also a person.

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on Aug 24, 2012 at 9:40 AM
My ex husband cheated on me (that why he's an ex) but he didn't know how to be discreet, his very stupid and UGLY bitch called me to give me the details of their affair. When trust is lost, get a divorce, cause things will never be good again. Your kids will just suffer from all the fighting going on. And the stress and distrust will wear you down, until you feel nothing but anger.
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on Aug 27, 2012 at 6:21 PM
Is true my boyfriend at the time he just have conversations with this bich i was almost her friend and i never think my boyfriend do something like that I'm mexican so somethings are not right for me ok so couple times he recibe a phone call and he go out side to answer he don't said who was so one early morning i get him cell phone i ckeck all the calls and i found this number and her initial so later in the morning i call and was her so i ask her what she have to talk with him and she say we just friends i tell him about my problems with her new number 3 boyfriend and i tell her she don't have nothing to talk to him and the stupid bich just say who's care so i let him the day whent to my best friends house stay there for 3 days i was really on love with him so he wants to see me and i decides give him one more change i tell him. If i see somethin or hear something about her hes gone i get marry cause i was pregnant and so far i not hear nothing about her but i can't trust on him now is almost 7 years not very happy but is nothing i can do no job no money so he's have to work to support us and i not gonna work is the way to paid for all the pain i suffered for this stupid .friendship jajaja
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