Would you spy on your husband if you suspected he was cheating on you?

I had a surreal morning. When I came back home from dropping my children off at summer camp, one of my best friends was waiting at my door with an unexpected request. She needed my help to buy some computer software to monitor her husband's laptop and Blackberry. My friend suspected her hubby was having an affair.

After a long talk about the consequences of invading somebody's privacy vs. living with the doubt, she decided to get two programs that installed in his computer and cell phone, sends information about every single click he makes  to her email. He travels a lot and she found something suspicious, not totally incriminating though, in his suitcase. 


We used my credit card and my address to prevent him from knowing he would be watched. She left feeling better. She said the purchase made her feel more in control of the situation, but I'm not sure it was the right decision.

I must admit I have a thing about privacy. I grew up in a small apartment with two younger siblings that invaded every single one of the spaces I tried to carve for myself. More than once I found my diary's lock broken, my clothes being worn by one of my sister's friends and my books missing or damaged. I hate to feel invaded and could not help but put myself in my friend's husband's shoes. How would I feel if my spouse was spying on me?

I would be very angry, to put it mildly, even if I was guilty of something. I don't even want to imagine how I would feel if I was totally innocent and the suspicion was created by a misunderstanding. My husband, on the other hand, told me he would find it very hot. I don't know if I believe it, but he swears he would even admire that kind of attitude.

It is not that I am above snooping. I did it a lot in a previous relationship and I was rewarded with information about a string of infidelities that severely damaged my self-esteem and my trust in men. My husband had to jump through a lot of hoops to get to my heart.The relationship was already doomed. I just wish I hadn't done it.  I did not need to know the kind of creep I had spent years with.   Also, I may be dating myself, but electronic snooping feels like a whole other ballgame.

What do you think? Did my friend do the right thing? Have you done something similar?

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Topics: affair  infidelity  marriage