How often are you doing it?
During conversations with my friends, the same question pops up again and again: "How often are you and your husband having sex?"
The answers are so varied that I've always thought that there was no "right" answer. Each couple's sex life is affected by tons of different factors: age, kids, lifestyle, health, individual libido and, of course, the present state of their relationship.
In my case, a ongoing Mexico-NYC megacommute keeps my husband and I apart for a couple of weeks each month, which makes our sex life a bit different.
How so? When we finally see each other after a long absence, we either get into a torrid fight that eventually ends up in sex or jump each other bones after saying "Hello" and putting our angels to bed. Either way we end up having sex more often, because we have to make up for the time we are apart.
It sounds pretty amazing as I write it, but it's very damn hard to have a long distance relationship working. But that's a whole other story...
In any case, what might seem like too much sex to one person may seem like too little to another. I have friends that say that they never do it anymore, others that do it once a week, others who claim they do it but feel "nothing" (the worst kind of sex) and others that have a healthy 3-day-a-week sex life with their monogamous (hopefully) partners.
And then we also have the factor of women and men and the "very different views" they have in regards to the number of times, couples should have sex.
In Annie Hall, there's this amazing scene in which Woody Allen and Diane Keaton discuss their sex life with their therapists in a split-screen,
Therapist: "How often do you sleep together?"
Woody: "Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week."
Keaton's therapist: "How often do you sleep together?"
Keaton: "Constantly. I'd say three times a week."
And there you have it! There was a report done by CNN that stated that 40 million Americans are stuck in sexless marriages.
That's way too many men and women having a bad sex life don't you think? No wonder we seldom see smiles during our morning commute.
Then again, sex doesn't come easy for couples living together with kids. We face constant stress in our daily lives and we're all too busy and too tired. Sex--as great as it can make you feel--becomes the last priority for many women. And once couples stop having sex, their relationships are doomed.
I have friends that complain about their husbands wanting to have sex every day of the week. I get it, who wants to have sex every day? That's overachieving!
In fact, when men are asked the question about how often they have sex with their wives they say things like, "As often as she'll let me" -- which let's face it, is probably true.
So I say let's meet in the middle. Because we all need sex, not only men. And we all like sex, not only men.
Three times a week sounds about right. I believe it's a good challenge to begin with, so let's get on it ladies!
What do you think? How often do you have sex with your significant other?
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