Confessions of a bad wife: I hate it when my man tries to get healthy

I am all for having healthy habits, I know that the Universe would be a much cleaner and better place if we all tried eating more greens, drinking less liquor, doing more exercise etc. etc. The problem is, we like tacos and roast pork, way too much and we also love beer and wine.

So be it.

The father of my children, whom spends half of the time each month away from home--working, always complains about not being able to lead a healthier lifestyle. Every day when he's away, we talk on the phone and he usually tells me "I ate too much and my stomach aches."

The truth is that he overdoes the fritanga life and everything else that is unhealthy.

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Typically five days before his arrival home, he shares a new plan for how he is going to get healthier. Last summer it was the detox thing with the lemonade diet.

"My body is asking for it," he said.

This is how it turned out: No one could mention food, let alone eat around him, which made it logistically impossible for me to feed our two little kids in our NYC sized apartment. He was moody and hungry all day long carrying around that stupid lemonade and claiming it was all OK.

One day at Ikea he lost it so bad that he made me leave all my stuff behind when we where already standing in line to pay.  I wanted to kill him but he said to me, "I can't take this anymore. Let's go now."

He seemed to be shaking, so I figured he might be having a seizure and we left.

In the after-math of the event I could hear him talking to friends and family recalling the  lemonade diet process with fondness: "It was easy and it was great and it made me feel amazing and I was in such a good mood…"

Sure...

Another time he decided to do the CLEAN diet--endorsed by Gwyneth Paltrow who probably has a cook living at home. Just getting the ingredients for the diet took 3 hours and cooking smoothies, soups and protein-based meals for only one member of the family is absurd. Plus, if I didn't eat what he was having, he took it as a lack of support--and I can't handle an avocado gazpacho more than two times a week.

Then it was cigarettes. He announced he was quitting the day of his arrival. I know smoking will kill you but the first couple of weeks were horrendous, which just makes me wonder why he didn't begin quitting while he was still away for work!

Around his staff, he smokes, eats unhealthy food, and exudes happiness. But here, I had it coming, mood swings, impatience and depression attacks.

It's exhausting, but then there's the matter of love and you know what they say: "All we need is love!"

Image via massdistraction/flickr

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