Why you should NEVER wax your own bikini line!
In an effort to be sexy and save some money, a reddit contributor, Sloanesteel decided to wax her own vagina. Bad idea, right?
I researched it online and watched videos. I figured if my Puerto Rican high school dropout bikini waxer can do it, then so can I. I took a Xanax and applied the wax and ripped.
And then the unthinkable happened…
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As I was applying wax to the innermost sensitive area of the vagina my husband came in the room. I was half kneeling half planking over my makeup mirror in a sports bra and nothing else while applying the wax with a tongue depresser. When he came in I screamed "DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!" And tried to do a barrel roll behind my makeup vanity so he couldn't see me. As I did this the tongue depresser lodged itself in between my downtown lips and the wax stuck to both sides of the tongue depresser, which was now lodged firmly into place. If you don't know anything about bikini wax it dries very quickly. I tried to open my legs but the tongue depresser was stuck to both lips and there was nothing I could do. So I figured my best bet was to breathe deeply and rip it as fast as I could. I am currently writing this in the lobby of Urgent Care while wearing an adult diaper because I ripped a two inch section of flesh off of my vagina and am bleeding rather profusely. So please, men and ladies, if you're going to get waxed find your nearest Puerto Rican high school dropout and let them rip your hair off for you.
Whoa! Okay, I know this hurt but for all the racist Puerto Rican remarks, this Latina thinks maybe she deserved this a little bit.
Beauty is pain, upkeep is expensive but there are certainly beauty hacks that we can employ to save ourselves a little money. Painting your own nails and doing home facials are easy and cheap. Getting "massages" from your husband can save you $60. Of course, you might find yourself pregnant. Maybe pay the $60 for the hour of stranger massage. I think we can all agree that you should pay a professional for a bikini waxing, especially anything that gets that close and personal with your baby making parts.
Honestly, I'm a little on the hairy side. Hey, you can't have all that long flowing, thick hair on your head without it growing other places too. I've been known to do some eyebrow and lip waxing maintenance to avoid looking like a Sasquatch. I use the sugar wax so if it gets anywhere it shouldn't be, I can simply wipe it off with warm water.
I clean my face, dry it, use the tongue depressor-like tool and sparingly spread warm wax on the desired area. Then I place the cloth of terror upon the wax and I stare at myself in the mirror for 10 minutes, hesitating, because I KNOW it's going to hurt like a sonofabitch. Sometimes I cry in anticipation.
That first rip is the worst. Then I get mad and just start ripping all the hair off my face. It makes me feel better about myself knowing that I don't have a moustache shadow like a 13-year-old boy. But I'd NEVER give myself a bikini wax at home. Safety first, I always say.
Image via istock